The Voice of Grace

I play golf, it's one of the things I enjoy doing although I am not an avid, crazy, "have to be on the golf course" kind of player. I am more of a fair weather player. One of the people in the group I play with is advanced in age. She has been diagnosed with onset Alzheimer's and just had surgery to remove a melanoma from her face. Face bandages in tact and a smile on her face, she came to our luncheon today wearing lipstick because she trusted us as friends to simply love and support her. Girlfriends are like that, we rally around challenges our friends have.

The most beautiful thing about our friend is how sincerely dignified and full of grace she is for all the misfortunes she faces. Not so simply, she offers me the opportunity to weigh my own choices; how do I want to react or respond to life? Every time I am with her I ask myself questions; could I be so kind or grateful? Could I walk with such grace?

When the Chilean miners were buried for over two months this year, a friend posed these question to me: Who would you want to be with under those circumstances? Would you even chose yourself? I would definitely choose my friend. There is something calming and reassuring about her. Her obvious gratitude for anyone's kindness, the respect she shows others and her genuine authenticity, are markers of someone anyone would want to spend time with, especially in a deep dark hole for an extended period of time. She reminds me that the voice of grace allows for things to be 10% better or worse than what they are. Grace's virtue says to our hearts that this too shall pass so take hold of the moment and embrace it's gifts. The world can be challenging, especially in these times. I loved being with her today. It was simply a taste of grace.

The Secret Voice

Secrets can be juicy and fun.If you have ever made a surprise visit or thrown a surprise birthday party, you know how fun it can be to present someone with the gift of surprise. Remember when we were kids and we could not wait to sneak a peak at the presents from "Santa" that were resting in the back of our parents' closet? Those kinds of secrets are fun and exhilarating. The smiles and joy and laughter that comes with the surprise gift from a secret will create moments frozen in time. I think of them as ice cream to the soul.

Then there are the secrets that a person holds on to for reasons known only to them. Having lived a full life, I have seen the darker side of secrets that I believe most of us have hidden in our life's archive. Sometimes it is better left unknown. Being human and fallible, it may be wise to keep those broken moments to ourselves, especially if we learn from them. Then there are the secrets that hurt us the most; the ones we hide because if known would call us to accountability for our lives and the relationships within our lives that require our integrity. We all know the difference between the "juicy, ice cream" kind of surprise and the other kind that feels like cloak and dagger. To use a well known example, think of Richard Nixon and the secrets around Watergate. It left a devastating scar on his life, his family and the country.

It is not my intention to make this a moral forum. It is a forum for reflection that asks us all to lightly examine our lives. Socrates said "An unexamined life is not worth living." When a master painter is designing his canvas, he steps back and changes the direction of his colors and his art until they flow together. Our life is a canvas, it is up to us to use the stroke of our hand via the choices we make. Each choice is a stroke of paint that creates the picture we want to step into. A secret life is harmful if it can harm you or the people you love. I have learned if what I am seeking has to be pursued under a cloak of deception, it quite possibly is a dark alley that I simply do not want to enter. Ben Franklin said, "Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to remember anything." Keeping to sweet secrets makes for a sweeter life, not just for the people you love but for the peace it will give to you.

The Voice of Freedom

As I sit, preparing to study the many propositions and candidates that are running in our crippled State, I thought about my Grandmother who was an entrepreneur and maverick of her time. Born in 1900, she was at an early age, a widow and mother of two daughters, a professional who worked outside the home, an investor in real estate, and a strong and verbal advocate for her political points of view. While she did not march in any suffrage for Women's Right to Vote because of her youth (she was able to vote on her 21st birthday), she was well aware of the limitations placed on our gender. She treasured her rights as a woman; she never surrendered her right to have a voice or to chase down success. She used her voice and everyone who knew her had no question what she meant when she spoke.  

Having and using  your voice does not insure that you are right, or that you will be victorious or get your way.  Using your voice in a responsible and life affirming way is a gift that only freedom can give us. It occurred to me that my perceptions of my voice and how I use it completely depends upon on how I perceive freedom, specifically my freedom. You cannot be a sissy and live in freedom. To live in a country where we can walk, speak, and worship without government intervention or dictates comes at a great price. Freedom does not mean "doing whatever I want." Freedom means taking responsibility for every action we take and being mature enough to live with the consequences of our free choice.

Less than 100 years ago the 19th Amendment to the Constitution was passed giving women the right to vote in our country. We have not even celebrated a century of our right to have a voice in our government. Women were persecuted and imprisoned for demanding equal rights; they were beaten and publicly shamed for their outrageous assumption that our gender should have a say in government. To choose not to vote today because it is a waste of time or to define it as "it doesn't matter because my vote will not count anyway" or worse yet, to be indifferent, is an insult and travesty to the women who fought hard to make sure our voices could/would be heard. I heard a recent comment on NPR that suggested that voting does not secure our victory but secures a place in history for change. Please make sure you vote this coming election. Give your voice permission to be heard.

Another Voice of Love

In the Whole Living magazine, October 2010 edition, an article caught my attention that has solidified the idea for me that love, while a wonderful feeling, is more a verb than it is an emotion. The article, The Love Experiment posed this simple question: "What if one question could change all your relationships?" Seems easy...simple, doesn't it? We are all looking for a magic bullet, something of a microwave solution that lies outside of us that will come into our lives (money, a person, the perfect job, someone changing their behavior, etc) so we can be happy, peaceful even.

The question was proposed by the Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh. If you do know of him, you will understand. If you do not then I would invite you to "meet" him. His thoughtful question? "Please tell me how I can love you better?"  The author of the article made a commitment to spend the next 30 days of her life living this question. It takes courage to ask this question. It takes a sure footed sense of ones self to expose our hearts to such a question. What the author found when she asked the question were surprising answers that were easy for her to respect and respond to.

"Please tell me how I can love you better?" also implies that I am making a commitment to be the best version of myself that I know I can be. That perhaps I will set aside my fears and my concerns and really listen to what you have to say. Discovery of what matters sometimes gives us permission to release the choke hold we have on life. If I can know how to love you better, I can know how to love myself better. We are told that love is kind, it is does not envy nor boast nor make a vain display; love does not rejoice in someone's failings, but rejoices who they are; love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. It never fails and is the greatest of all things. These ideas are ancient and yet have endured all the psychosis of mankind. Share your love today, in a different way. It just might change your life.

The Voice of Laughter

Recently our family was blessed with a new baby girl. She finds herself in the good company of two other cousins, all born within the past four years. I look at our grandchildren, especially when they have newly arrived, and deeply and consciously understand that life renews itself everyday. That life is a tapestry woven not just with duty, and obligation, and tasks, but is also filled with miracles and reasons to have hope. It also gives us so many opportunities to laugh out loud. The innocence of children is our greatest antidote to illness and the blahs. As adults, we loose touch with the joy of childhood; it gets buried in the drudgery of our "to do" lists. Our grandchildren renew me and I feel hopeful and determined to be a contributor to their lives in a positive, rooted way.

When I think about children, one of the things that most inspires me is their laughter. It is far more infectious than a flu virus and, unlike the flu virus, creates a wellness within us that is undeniable. Laughter simply rocks our world! We need it, as much as we need air. Being around new life injects my heart and soul with boundless life. The world, now more than ever, needs our laughter. Not to ignore or pretend the serious issues do not exist, because they do. With the internet and the news, it is hard to dodge the hard balls being thrown at us every day. What if we could all take a moment, maybe stretch it into a day, and just laugh at ourselves and the contradictions of life that surround us at every turn?

I was blessed to spend the past few weeks with my children and my grandchildren. New births are like that, they pull you away from the everyday tasks and drop you deep into a well of simply being in the moment. Throughout that time, I have laughed at so many things; the gurgles of a baby, the stories and logic of my four year old granddaughter, the french fries up the nose of my 2 year old grandson, and the stories of my children, recalling their own funny stories from their childhood. Our oldest son read passages from "#&^% My Father Says" .. a new book by Justin Halpern. Between the innocence of the new lives that surrounded us and the gut-wrenching laughter induced from Halpern's book, I feel better than I have felt in years. Take a moment today and laugh...it renews you and truly is the best medicine!!

How Does Your Voice Represent Your Clan?

We are all bilingual...not in the accepted definition but through how we live our lives, what we do, how we act, the prejudices we might have, the love we feel in our hearts. It never occurred to me, until recently, that perhaps my every action and word represented to the world how others might define my "clan." For me, my clan is made up of Americans, females, mothers, authors, sisters, daughters, nieces, secretary, volunteers, auto drivers, Caucasians, my chosen faith, and all the beliefs that come with having lived through six decades. When I considered that, I was humbled to think that others see me as one of a larger group...dare I say, senior citizens!

I realized how easily we generalize when someone's behavior lines up with something we don't like. I began to understand that I needed to pay attention to how I acted in a world that is no longer private but more like a glass house. This is not about the mistakes that come from being human; this is about our attitude and generally how we act or react to life. I think we are all entitled to mistakes. I just decided to ask myself, if who I am and what I say and do is representative of the people I love, of the clan I belong to, how do I want to represent them? There was a small shift for me when I asked myself that question. I simply do not want my behavior to give someone permission to vilify any of my clan.

I have decided to ask myself the following questions: How do I want others to see women? How do I want others to see my mother, grandmother, sister, nieces, ... generally, the women in my life? How do I want people to see people of my faith? How do I want others to see me as a wife, as a mother, or more simply, as a driver on the highway? It is not that I want approval; where that might have once been a factor, it no longer is. The question I am asking myself now is "how do I want others to see those whom I might represent?" I do not want to add to the lies that circulate in people's opinions; I would much rather be the purer representation of the best of my clan. Think how this might change the world!!!