Whose Map Are You Using?

I believe that we are, for the most part, fiercely independent when it comes to choices we make, directions we go. Some have a harder time breaking away from parental or cultural influence, but even then...our souls long for their own expression. What I have found is that my own fierce independence often is overly influenced by my early childhood. Sometimes the voices of my family echo and bounce around in my head like ghosts in Scrooge's cold and dark home. There are times when these voices are good. I have, hopefully, learned from the good and the difficult experiences in my life. Other times, the messages I receive smother my own voice and keep me from taking the direction I feel is more "right" for me.

I guess the question for all of us to ask is Which map am I using as I move through each day of my life? My mentor once told me that even if I wanted to get to a place on a map, let's say New York, I could not get there if I did not know where I was starting from. And if I did not map out my own direction, I may unwittingly choose to take a road that was less suited to me. After all, the only thing that we truly own, the ONLY thing that is ours from first breath to last, is our own life. And the two most crucial traveling partners are wisdom and thoughtfulness. We all need a Jiminy Cricket on our shoulder!

So the question of whose map I use is critical to my own sense of success...and many times my measurement is very different by other people's measurement. My experience growing up was one of dogged determination mixed with "my way or the highway" mentality. The dogged part has served me well but the influence of superiority and false pride has not. It has taken me a long time to even hear those voices, let alone replace them. I have not found the stubbornness that comes from self pride to be a good road to take as I map my way through my days. I am learning to replace that stubbornness with self-confidence. There is a different feel of one to other. If I listen attentively, and check my own life's road map, I am slowly finding my way. It has been a long bumpy trip but I am willing to get on my own highway. Anyone up for a road trip?

How Do Your Hear Others?

This forum is designed to get people to think and today I want to ask a hard question. How do you hear or respond to another person's needs? A neighbor's beekeeping activity, after being asked not to do it, ended in the tragic loss of the next door neighbor's dear pet dog. Africanized, the bees swarmed the dog and it was stung over 200 times. Even after being asked not to pursue this interest in the neighborhood, the request was ignored and now the trust of these neighbors has been fractured, perhaps beyond repair. I think of the many times we make a request of someone we love and ignored, it ends in tragedy that could have been averted. Marriages, parent-child relationships, neighbors, countries. Arrogance is the deaf ears friend and reasoning and respect's enemy.

Sometimes it is so easy to become so focused on what we want or a mission that we must achieve that we lose sight of the affect it has on the people around us. The world suffers this malady and if we cannot even begin in a neighborhood, how can we ever live peacefully together? Certainly, arrogance is a quality that is hard to live with or next too. I am certain that in my own case, I have suffered moments of arrogance and it has left its mark on people I care for dearly. Not listening to another person's concern or insight can be not only hurtful, it can even be deadly as in the case of the beekeeper and his neighbor.

Perhaps it does us all a tremendous service to listen to others whom we share life with. It is a kindness and a respect we show others when we take the time to listen to what they have to say and to regard their true need seriously. As a child, I was not taught to do this and it took me a very long time to learn how to honor another person's perspective or request. Ego and arrogance are crutches we can no longer afford to walk with. Hearing what another says does not necessarily mean acquiescence. It means weighing the interests of everyone. Most times there is a common ground that can be struck...as long as we are not stuck on getting our way.

What do you tell yourself about a challenge?

The funniest thing happened to me today. Well, it may not make you laugh but it made me laugh at myself. I have a desktop computer and I was working at it when I became aware there was no sound coming from my speakers. I checked my speaker volume, went into my computer to make sure the sound had not been muted, and then reexamined the speakers. I had had some computer work done recently and a router replaced. It appeared to me, upon my expert examination, the technician had somehow unplugged my speakers. Assuming that I had the expertise to evaluate the problem, I unplugged everything and tried moving the speakers to another plug in option. There was none.

After climbing under my desk, after doing the two step with all the ridiculous wires found behind the bowels of my desk, after getting dusty and frustrated, I reexamined the speakers and discovered they were not turned on. I laughed out loud.

Today I realized that I often believe the answer is more complicated than it appears to be. I have somehow fooled myself into believing that all answers are complicated; that solutions do not come with only one or two parts, but have multiple and exaggerated wires that need to be untangled. It is not that all answers are easy, but I believe my experience today taught me that even complications may have an easier answer if I will simply pay attention and think more simply. If I can believe that life's problems really do come with a solution and usually that solution does not involve climbing behind furniture, dancing with dust bunnies, and becoming entangled in the wire maze of life I may be able to shortcut some of my challenges. Time for a glass of wine and some serious pondering!!

Perspective of an Eagle

Vacations can be fun but sometimes pull us away from things we love to do...like my blog! It is good to be back! Vacations also give us a time to reevaluate and consider our life "back home." I am not just speaking about the physicality of a residence, but the life that we lead when we are inhabiting that house we call home. I had a friend who once told me "If my husband had been vacation Joe all the time, we'd still be together." That says a lot about most of us; how we allow the stress of our daily lives to impact our perspective, our responses, and our reactions.

Our voice is often like a child, revealing to others our true perspective about any given situation. I remember my oldest son, as a child, was particularly verbal and outspoken and often asked, "Why is that lady so fat?" in the middle of a grocery store. Humiliating as it was, he was only curious and telling it like he saw it. As adults we rarely speak so honestly, but too often the things we say expose what is really lurking behind the sounds that come from our mouth. And those sounds, those words, that voice we use, begins with perspective.

Today I was asked to allow my perspective to be an eagle, sitting on a cliff, overlooking the landscape and taking in all the influences of any situation. Being an objective, eagle-lurking, detached human is not an easy thing to do. When asked to raise my perspective from the state of a rock, earthbound and stuck, to such an elevation, gave me permission to see how my own perspective often imprisons my responses (or should I say reactions) and keeps not only myself but others separated from any kind of real relationship with me. I want to, as the song sings to us, fly like an eagle, to be free. If I can give up my need to my opinion, my perspective, perhaps I will grow in a way that will give me peace and freedom. Opinions help guide us, but let them be the feathers in our wings and not cement weights that keep us limited and unhappy.