Do You Really Want to Know?

Sometimes "knowing" means "no-ing." Recently my doctor asked if I wanted to have a test that would tell me whether or not I was a candidate for Alzheimer's. I immediately said "no." My inner voice did not, in the least, contest my immediate answer. If I had made the decision hastily, it (my own personal version of Jiminy Cricket) might have asked, "are you sure?" For me, having this information, would have been detrimental to my health. In my world, knowing what "might happen" is simply TMI.

I remember when each of our children left home and began living their lives outside the nightly supervision of a parent's watchful eye. It might have been better had we known some things, but some things are better left unknown. I was relieved to be able to go to sleep at night, not listening for their cars to pull up in the driveway or the door to be opened so I could at last go to sleep. I am not suggesting that everything is better left in the dark. I am simply suggesting that sometimes we seek answers where we really do not want to ... I mean SINCERELY do not want to... KNOWwhat that answer might be.

At a time of information overload and a great need by society to keep up with the next saga of Lindsey Lohan's misadventures, maybe we would all gain a great deal of peace of mind to not know all the details. I am the type of person, had I opted for the Alzheimer's test and received bad news, would have fretted about it for the rest of my cognitive days. What do you want to know? Is there anything that tugs at your fascination that might be better left buried? Some things, I believe, are like seeds. If they are to be known, they will sprout above the surface. If they are not to serve anyone then they are better left ungerminated, buried deeply in the dark soil of life experience. In the meantime, I am drinking my water, taking my EFA oils, and exercising my brain...in spite of what that Alzheimer's test might have had to say!

What about silence?

I designed this forum because I wanted a place for women (and really anyone) to find their voice. As I commune with my girlfriends, I find that most women do not know how to comfortably ask for what they want. I certainly did not know how to do that. So I finagled, and I emoted, and I sometimes begged, for what I wanted. All these actions came from weakness and fear. What I learned was that forthrightness, when partnered with our voice, has power and meaning and clarity. It is a far more thoughtful process. But as I learn to have a strong, rooted, positive voice, I am also learning the absolute necessity for silence.

I have, adorning my computer on a small sticky, a reminder that says "A silent voice is sweet to hear." Sometimes saying nothing at all says more than any words can say. Another way to say it is "Let the mud settle before taking any action." The concepts are each and both quite the same, and yet subtly different arrows that point to the value of silence.

Have you ever really listened when there is a blackout or brownout? The whole world lays silent at our feet, asking us to listen. We are so inundated with noise and hums. It takes supreme effort to sit with silence...to not turn on that radio or tv early in the morning. It takes courage to sit with jumbled thoughts and anxiety when things are not what we would wish for them to be. The conundrum of it all is that the only way to find our voice is to listen to the silence. To find a way through the tangled cords of our psyche and let the Universe or God hold us gently in Her arms until we find the peace we need to know. The "know" I speak of is the intuitive power of knowing that shows us which way to go, what to do, which road to take, what words to say. To learn more about how to do this, take a walk with Ekhart Tolle (www.echarttolle.com). In the meantime, I invite you into the silence, to this very sacred and privileged space.

The Voice of Want

During the consulting portion of a recent visit to my doctor, he looked at me and said he knew no one who was content in their lives. That is a telling statement for a person to make who knows so many. I have thought a lot about that statement and how it applies to my own life. Contentment is something that has a lot more value to me now than it did, say, even five years ago. The voice of "want" chased away my contentment, leaving a vacuum of longing where contentment might have otherwise made its bed.

I think the world is empty for all the want. Want, need and goals are completely different things...even given that semantics sometimes might demand them be synonymous. I need air to breathe, I need to wear clothing to protect my skin (and keep me out of jail!), and I need food and water to nourish me. Those kinds of needs are important. Many I personally know are blessed as I am to have those needs met. As for goals, I have many. Those goals take discipline and focus and action. In the past, I saw those goals as being "wants" but have come to the wisdom that they are not only NOT the same, they are diametrically opposed concepts.

Wanting is an empty room whose door is falsely labeled "need." Want's room is filled with achingly unstable furniture that offers no solid support and is easily collapsed. If I "want" my past to be different, if I "want" to be the best, the top, the richest, if I "want" you to do, be, act differently; if I "want" that car, house, pair of jeans, at the expense of my balanced budget; if I "want" anything that is presently absent (and unneeded -- see definition in paragraph 2), then I am left achingly empty, frustrated, and discontent. Every day the world tells us what we "want" and diminishes the "have" that we are all blessed with in life. I do not know what the"wants" are that hold you captive. If you are caught in a swirling mud hole of "want" I simply hope that you somehow escape it's false snare. It's not quicksand, it's only mud! And mud...well, it can always be washed away with a little soap, some clear water, and a clear thinking heart.

The Voice of Trust

There is only one certainty in life and that is that all things pass. The first time I heard this, I was horribly disappointed! It does not matter whether it is good or bad things...evolution is part of the life experience. Even knowing this with our practical minds, our hearts want all the good things to stay and all the bad things to depart. Time, however, has other plans for us and so we travel down the twists and turns of the road of life and wonder sometimes, "What's it all about, anyway?"

The challenges that come with change and the oft uncertainty can challenge our trust to its core. Someone once told me, if God was truly a vengeful God, He/She would answer all our prayers. I think of the times I have been spared something that I thought at the time I absolutely would die without. If we are lucky and are able to give into the urge to think that life is against us, usually it is in our favor and simply asking us important questions that we don't always want to answer. In truth, all things can work together for our good and the good of others if we simply allow for that.

I think this is where trust comes into play. It is learning to trust, even in the deepest part of adversity, that all things happen for a reason that sometimes is beyond our grasp. It is also to trust that you will know which road to take, which choice to choose, which train or plane get on. Trust is learning to listen to that small, sweet whisper that is always trying to get our attention. We just have to become quiet enough to listen to it, that's all. It's simple, but not easy. Trust is the nugget we get from having lived through life. The very thing we could not live without becomes the blessing we do not have. Even in heartache, the sun still comes up and we still live through it. The trick is not to step into the same traps, once we have learned our lessons. Perhaps the person we need to learn to trust the first and most is ourselves. If we can do that, if we can listen to that voice of trust, everything else will take care of itself.

The Voice of Kindness

I am a golfer, or at least I'm a wanna be golfer! Golf is one of those games that, unless played regularly and consistently, is a source of constant inconsistency. Today, I played with two beautiful women who are in their seventies or older. It was an honor to be with them on the golf course. They were gracious and kind and were pretty darn good golfers too!! One of them is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I don't know how many of you who read my blog have had experience with this disease but it is, in the very least, heart breaking. It is also frightening for those who, in the beginning stages, know they are facing a life without their precious memories.

One of the things that I noticed today more than golf or my horrid score was the continual apology each of my teammates made for their individual "handicaps." I could tell that they were not always treated with respect, were not honored for the years they have lived. These were kind, gracious, loving women, not bitter or difficult in any way. What I noticed, sadly, is that we live in such an impatient society. We have come to expect our world to be a microwave world where everything happens fast and furious. A touch of a button gives us what we want, whether it is a dialed phone number, a dinner, or information. How can we have patience or give a voice of kindness for those in our society that move a little more slowly or who are unable to think quickly? We have lost our perspective.

Kindness is a voice of choice. It is made up of patience, and respect, and empathy. It is also an acknowledgment that I too, one day, may be faced with the side affects of aging, God willing. I saw in the faces of these two fine women today such gratitude and genuine humility for receiving the small voice of kindness. It reminded me to not expect everything yesterday, to honor the humanity of every living being...not just those who are seniors, but for our babies, our children, or family and loved ones, and our neighbors. So many today are facing tough economic times...but we all have a gift we can share with others that costs us nothing and has more value than gold. Wrap up a package of kindness today and give it to someone who could use it...you could be the biggest beneficiary!

Who Stirs Your Alphabet Soup?

Remember when we were little and our moms would make us alphabet soup? Good hot Campbells on a cold winter day. Those little letters would float around the top of the broth, bopping in and out. Sometimes we could even form words out of those little letters, like "cat" and "dog." Other times, if we were silly and creative, we could take mixed up letters and make our own words, with crazy definitions. At least, that is my memory with alphabet soup...probably was very telling that I would love the written word!

I don't believe our soup bowl ever empties. Rather, it simply gets fuller over time. Social influences, familial influences, friends, lovers, ex-lovers, events happy and sad...each add letters to our alphabet soup. Imagine that soup's broth having many, many layers of letters, and all those letters float to the surface when stirred, sending different messages to our (sub)conscious mind. The question I think is important to ask is, "Who is stirring my soup?" Is what I think really what I think? Is what I feel or interpret reasonable? Is my hand on the ladle or does a ghost or opinion have its grip on what I think my life is about? What we think, what we believe, is the beginning of our voice.

Metaphors are valuable if they help put the puzzle pieces of our life together. Within me, made up from all my life experiences, is a warm bubbling pot of fresh alphabet soup. I realized it was "crazy making" to be defined by my ghosts or my past. Many of those things no longer nourish me, as all good soup should. Wouldn't it be a blessing to wake up one day and be defined as brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous, knowing that all those attributes were born in us through our many, many life experiences? After all, we are children of a gracious and good God, as MarianneWilliamson pointed out. She asked us, "Who are we not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?" So I choose to place my hand on the ladle and stir up my own, precious bowl of life soup. Anyone interested in joining me for lunch?