What you hear is not what is said ...

I am fortunate to have dear friends in my life and we often talk about how sometimes misunderstood we feel when we are having a difficult conversation with someone we love. It goes well beyond the concept of Venus and Mars or even language in general. If we thought in words or alphabet structure then I believe we would all understand each other. But we do not speak in any audible language, if truth were to be confronted and acknowledged. We hear in the hidden recesses of our thoughts; in "past" or "conditioning" or a thousand other experiences we have had in our life. All the clutter of any psychosis we carry around is simply a closet full of outgrown ideas or heartaches that we call our own and it is hard to forfeit that ownership. It is through those experiences that we hear each other. We hear from our fear and from our sometimes broken hearts that never mend.

I love to chef, cook in my kitchen. I follow recipes. When a recipe asks for pepper, I do not take it personally. I add pepper. I watch our pets. When our dogs miss a thrown ball, they do not get mad at me because I threw it wrong, they simply go and get the ball without judgment on themselves or on the thrower of the ball. They have fun! They bring it back to me so I can throw it again!!! But when someone I love expresses a thoughtful or insightful observation, I defend my right to do, say, or think the very thing that has elicited their insight. Misinterpretation or the need to be right has caused many wars, divorces, and the end of dear friendships.

There are some psychologists and philosophers that suggest that we become addicted to trauma and drama and if it is not in our lives we do not feel the life pulsating throughout our body. In yoga today I received a beautiful mantra..."gone...gone...beyond, beyond...awaken." What if the very thing that tips your scale into anger or defensiveness is the very life preserver needed to bring you to a safe harbor in your life? I so want to hear what people I love are saying to me; especially when they are saying it in an honest, kind and loving way. Maybe even when they are hurt and frustrated and the message is has a vinegar flavor!! They are, after all, the only truly clear mirror I have to my soul and my purpose.

Do You Rent or Own Your Life?

I have friends and family who have had rentals. Back in the early days of my life, I rented. I had to, I couldn't afford to own a home. The one thing I have learned about rentals is that people do not always take good care of their rental property. Rental properties get treated like they are incidental, as if they do not matter. Not always, but sometimes. My home is my castle, so as a renter I always treated it like my own. I cleaned it and decorated it and loved it. When I left any rental, I usually left it cleaner than when I first arrived. Not a pat on the back...just a fact.

I am sure you are wondering what renting v owning has to do with communication? Because I am always thinking in symbolic language, it dawned on me that sometimes in my life, I treated my life as if I was renting it, not owning it. It has such a different mentality, when you own your life. It makes a space to say what you mean and mean what you say. The perspective of the choices you make and the emotions emoted come from clarity when you own your life...at least for me it does. When I take ownership of my life, I treat it differently. I treat others differently. I invite people into my life, as I would my home, who will respect it and be thoughtful of it. I would never have someone in my home who put out their cigarette butts on my floor. So why would I let someone in my life who puts out psychic cigarettes on my heart or soul? And why, oh why, would I not treat another person's life with the same due respect?

When I own my life, I also take 100% responsibility for my life. The choices I make, the emotions I expose and share with others, how I learn my lessons...not just from my own mistakes but from observing another person's challenges. I am learning to dust off the good things, throw out the bad, and maybe throw in a little color here and there. A good book, an inspirational idea or thought, a belly laugh or the grace to appreciate the little things, and to know God. Owning my life allows me to add on to it, down size it, or even just paint it a different color or a shade of the same color. In a world that defines land ownership as the ultimate goal of life, owning your life seems to have so much more value!

The Translator

Friends and I were talking about the phenomena of technology and how it has becoming a primary communication link between people. That is not a bad thing necessarily; but sometimes it is perceived as impersonal and leaves "relationship" out of the picture. Relationship, according to Webster must first be understood through "relation" which means "an aspect or quality ...that can be predicated only of two or more things or parts taken together (connection); relationship is the state of being connected. To me, it seems it means "we are on the same ship together." Too often, in technology, it is a one-man-ship. With technology, I get to express my views without your input. You get to interpret my expression according to your own translator.

Communication is so critical. When we are with another person, we do not only communicate with our words, but with your eyes, our body language, our emotions. In an email, or a posting, it is difficult for anyone to express that completely. Even when I write here, it is my opinion and I have no idea how anyone will take in my ideas. Admittedly, we all get to choose how we respond or react. It is my goal to inspire something, to awaken something. Never to offend. But I have no control over your personal internal translator. What you read and what you might hear are two very different things.

I only know that when I met my personal internal translator, I was shocked at how that part of myself was translating another person's communication to me. My translator was goofy at times...like, "Doesn't that person driving slowly know I am late, how rude!!" to hurtful...interpreting to me personal messages about my value or how I saw myself. Until I met my own interpreter, I really did not know myself. Some things said or read pierced my heart when they were never intended to do so. I am learning, day by day, to watch my own life like a movie, and then to try and respond. To straighten out my interpreter or maybe even pull out the duct tape and seal her mouth for all time! I am hopeful that my awareness will help me. When someone speaks Greek to me,  I do not wish to respond  in Mandarin!

Turn Signals

I was driving down the road yesterday and a car in front of me had their right blinker light on. For miles. At first, I always pay attention to the signals of cars. Then I look at the car's "body" language. I was trying to decide if I should stay out of the next lane, or determine exactly the person's intention. In time, I realized that the driver did not even know it was on.

I began asking myself "What signal have I turned on that I have forgotten is on?" I think that we do that often in our lives. We get into our day, running on auto pilot, and have forgotten that we are signaling to others that we want to go in a direction other than the direction we intend. Our grandmothers told us we needed to pay attention. Not such bad advice. Spiritual teachers try to teach us mindfulness...presence. Being in touch with your daily activity.

Sometimes the signals come from our past conditioning; sometimes those forgotten turn signals come from a betrayal or a disappointment; sometimes they come from our ego's need for attention. Yesterday, it was not until the driver decided to turn left that her signal changed. I realized that how other drivers treated her was based upon her right turn signal, not the fact she was driving in her lane mindlessly. It reminded me to pay attention to the signals I was giving to others. After living through many dramas in my own life, I would prefer that my personal signal to my friends, my family, my loved ones, be one that signals peace, love and acceptance. Checking my turn signals today, on and off the road!!!