Friday, March 19, 2010

Do You Ask Permission or Forgiveness?

This is an important question to ask, not just of yourself but of others. There is, from my experience, a Grand Canyon difference between the two concepts, even though at times the results are small and insignificant. As I have worked to patch up misunderstandings in my relationships, this is a concept that I have had to reconfigure again and again in my life. Sometimes, an executive decision must be made and there is no time for discussion. However, the permission I am speaking about is the permission to be on the dance floor of life with another, whether that person is a friend, neighbor, a partner, a child, mother, father, sister or brother. It is learning to honor the dignity of another person.

I am wondering if others have confronted this concept? Our voice is our calling card and it tells others whether or not to respect us, to believe in us, to regard us seriously or dismissively. I do know there are times forgiveness can seem the simpler thing to aim for. But given the propensity for many of us to be challenged with the practice of forgiveness, it just seems to be a gamble and usually the odds are not in our favor. Asking for forgiveness in lieu of permission basically is saying, "I don't care what the consequences are, I am going to do this anyway."

Maybe it would be a good thing to spend a day asking for permission. May I borrow this item? May I plan a weekend for us away? Do you mind if I spend a night out with my friends? Should we spend the money on this item (that I just have to have)? Do you mind...? Do you care...? Do you think...? May I ...? I would love to hear your feedback on this concept. While I do know there are no absolutes and everything, in most cases is by degree, I would love to know if you practice one more than the other and then to know your outcome or success. What does your voice vote on?

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