Friday, March 4, 2011

The Voice of Me

Socrates is quoted as having said "Know Thyself." I am unsure how many of us truly know the complexity of ourselves. Having been conditioned to underestimate the value of listening, our own voice (that Soul voice deep within us) is rarely heard amid the din of all the things that circulate in our lives: work, relationships, goals, worries, desires, etc, etc, etc. The list can go on as long as there is day and night, which is pretty endless. But to truly know ourselves it takes courage and patience and honesty. Too often the voice that keeps speaking to us, telling us about the "me" inside our skin, is ignored.

Sometimes that voice is shrouded in guilt or shame; sometimes the voice of "me" is muffled in the sounds of "should" and "have to"; other times it is simply ignored. Then there are the times when everything becomes "about me" to the degree that we have so over-personalized a situation that we have lost our ability to perceive, realistically, what is happening and we leave the rest of the world out. That happened to me when we lost our mother. I simply did not believe that anyone else understood MY pain. My voice of "me" became a victim of loss and it took me years to realize I was at some level diminishing her life by making it only my loss. It was dark and lonely where I found myself. When I started listening to the authentic "me" that was trying valiantly to be heard I began to heal.

The real voice of "me" is connected to something far greater than myself; it is not small but it is eternal and enlightening if I am willing to listen. I think that I have mistaken the idea of "enlightenment" over the years to be something out of my reach. I don't know if I exactly thought that I should one day wake up with an ability to walk across our swimming pool or not! All I know is that I set my expectations for myself so high they could never be reached. That kind of understanding gave me an excuse to stay small and in the darkness of my own limited perceptions. In fact, I argued vehemently for my own limitations. It was far easier to accept I was less than my version of "enlightened" than it was to take a good long hard look at my inner world. Now, enlightenment has become more user friendly. Each time I have a breakthrough or an "ah-ha" moment, I find a little more light within myself. By letting go of my own limiting perceptions, I find a little more space within myself to be a little more enlightened, with less ego telling me who I should be. "Me" and my voice are getting along a lot better these days!

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